So THAT'S Why the Jack Always Feels Sticky.

Forget about cows, celebrities and good health. After watching this video for BC Dairy, you will never see poker the same way again.

"I have longed for your heart."

"I have longed for your spade!"

The online video -- first of many -- debuts in tangent with Teen Power Team, a TV spot that parodies Team America: World Police and crime-fighting dolls in general. (I dig how there's a token Spanish-speaker. Those saucy Canadians!)

Both ads, which are otherwise totally random, conclude with the same tidy moral: must drink more milk. Dot com.

And you probably expect this by now, but I'll say it anyway: the website lets you UPLOAD VIDEOS and WIN STUFF.